Not at all philosophical.

I wish I was a cold-hearted, emotionless bitch

2010-09-08T14:43:00.000-07:00

It would makes thing so much easier.

I hate that I like when he stays and we talk and he caresses my naked body and tells me I’m beautiful.
I hate that I like stroking his chest and when I feel his warm body against mine.

This ‘arrangement’ is great now but I can tell that when he finds someone else and it ends it’ll feel like we’re breaking up all over again.

It’s going to fucking hurt.

You don't care, but..

2010-06-17T05:23:00.000-07:00

Today I went out with bare arms.
In public.
With people.
No-one screamed
or vomited
or shielded their children's eyes.
Good outcome.

Soulmates do not exist.

2010-04-22T07:42:00.001-07:00

A human being's needs and desires are constantly changing, and we need and desire different things at different points throughout our lives. This means we need different people at different points too.
That guy you hardly spoke to but had rampant, passionate sex with when you were 18 may seem perfect at that moment in time, but later in life you may find yourself wanting something more emotional and secure.
I know what you're thinking - but what about those adorable couples that have been together for 60 years and only part ways in death? It's simple. They didn't have enough time to become sick of each other. Given long enough, everyone will grow bored of or resent the other person.
It may take 2 months or 20 years, but it will happen.

Dirty Mouths.

2010-03-15T17:36:00.000-07:00

Is it cheating
if you brush your teeth
immediately
before a visit to the dentist?

I wish I loved my computer more.

2010-01-22T03:45:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I really wish I was a gamer.
You know those middle-aged guys that immerse themselves in World of Warcraft, live with their parents and never venture outside?
It seems easier.
Easier than trying to forge connections with shitty humans that you don't even like. Easier than dating. Easier than a two hour commute to a job you don't even like.
Dying alone doesn't seem too bad when you consider you won't have to talk to actual IRL people for the whole of your life.

Happy New Year I Guess!

2010-01-01T16:31:00.000-08:00

This photo has nothing to do with anything.

It's 2010.
It feels weird seeing that number written everywhere - I had only just gotten used to it being 2009.
Then again, 'New Year' doesn't really mean much.. In the olden days you would just be overjoyed that you and your family had survived another disease-ridden 12 months.
I need to think of a resolution. That's what everyone does, right?
Make a promise, invariably 'lose weight' or 'eat less chocolate', and then fall off the bandwagon spectacularly after one and a half days.
Sounds like fun!
So what's yours?
And remember: We're All Just One Year Closer to Death!

Dear Santa...

2009-12-20T03:29:00.000-08:00

sketchysantas.com - a site I would heartily recommend!

Do you remember the time you found out the horrible truth? You know the one I'm referring to - the gut-wrenching moment when you found out Santa was a LIE. Did your little eyes well up with tears?
For me, there is no such memory. I cannot think of a time where I ever believed in him. Then again, I was always such a cynical little brat. I was never attached to a cuddly toy or blanket, and when I played with Barbies it seemed they were always acting out some sort of domestic dispute. In case you're wondering, I had a lovely upbringing - my pessimism is something that has always been there. It is mostly definitely nature, not nurture, for me.
Anyway, I digress. Why do we have to lie to children to make Christmas a more 'magical' time of year? What, receiving presents isn't good enough so we have to make it more sparkly and whimsical to please a small child? The stories could be told as entertaining bedtime stories, but we insist on making them fact. This I find utterly ridiculous and pointless.
I'm not sure why I feel so strongly about this - it's hardly a pressing issue. But I found myself getting very slightly angry when I found out my four-year-old brother had been fed this bullshit by his nursery teachers. I won't be the one to tell him (contrary to popular belief I am not a heartless bitch), but when he finds out the truth, I hope he'll enlighten the rest of his class.
Call me a scrooge or whatever (hopefully you will be more inventive than that), but I just do not see the point.

Merry Christmas everyone!

The subway, continued.

2009-12-02T09:24:00.000-08:00

I love looking at everyone's tube face.
The way they all desperately try to avoid eye contact like you're a mental patient wielding a large knife.
And if they do happen to catch someone's eye, it's all a little awkward. Do you smile? Acknowledge the fact that they are looking at you? Or, as in most cases, hurriedly return to your newspaper?
I often catch myself starting to apologise when I look at someone for a fraction too long, in case they're offended or weirded out.
Since each row of seats is facing each other, everyone must find something to stare at that isn't directly in front of them (and hence, at another person). This object is mostly likely to be a newspaper, or sometimes a book. If you have neither you must choose to look at your feet, inspect your fingernails, read the advert plastered on the wall over and over again until your eyes blur, or stare at your lap. The last of which makes you look a bit disturbed.
We're all so disconnected that it's getting a little sad.

Etiquette Query no. 3

2009-11-23T06:32:00.000-08:00

When riding the subway, how do you decide who to give up your seat for?

You can't give it to the woman with the protruding stomach, she just may be fat.
You can't give it to the person who may or may not have a mild disability, they may think you are being condescending.
You can't give it to that older-looking man, he may only be 50 and therefore would get offended at the fact you think he is feeble.

Then again, the fat woman may be pregnant, the disabled person might really want a seat, and the old man may be very tired.

Do you risk offending somebody
that may take your offer the wrong way,
or stay sitting and risk looking like an asshole?

How fat is too fat?

2009-10-08T11:54:00.000-07:00

For some, too fat means anything over a size 8 (US size 4).
Others would kill to be a 14.
My view is, if you want to work out every day, work out every day. If you're happy being fat, good for you. But either way, don't enforce your views onto everyone else. I'm not going to go into all this eating disorder stuff, because it's been done to death. But only we could have a mental disorder as vain as anorexia* - when was the last time you heard of people in some small Indian village refusing to eat for fear of getting fat?
As for myself, I can walk up a flight of stairs without getting out of breath, I eat vegetables and I can fit through turnstiles at the train station. I do not need to buy my clothes at special shops and I do not need a motorised cart to get around. Still, a lot of people would say I was fat. Others would like that I have big boobs and hips.
Whatever, just enjoy life (or not) while you still can. Revel in the joys (or miseries) of the world before you fuck off to the afterlife. I know, easier said than done, right?

*I know I'll get chastised for saying that, but fuck it. It's true.

Football is just an excuse for modern day tribal warfare.

2009-10-01T06:58:00.001-07:00

It's pretty funny when white people feel superior to those in 'undeveloped' nations (or, as they're called now, developing countries). According to some westerners, they are poor because they're violent, uncivilised savages. Of course, not many people would actually say it out loud anymore, but you can bet that they are still thinking it.
I know the phrase 'we're all humans' is pretty cliched by now, but it is true - it's not like just because we've got TVs, central heating and big macs that we have somehow evolved to a higher state of being than those who do not.
Take, for example, football supporters. Being a Glaswegian, I'm well aware of how violent these assholes can get. We have two main teams, Rangers and Celtic. You can't be a fan of both. You have to choose. Whichever side you pick, you're aligning yourself with a group of people with a similar interest - you are now part of a tribe. You'll drink together, eat together, shout together. You'll heckle the opposing supporters, and possibly indulge in a little stabbing and kicking. At every single football match, however small, there will be at least one fight.
Basically, what I'm clumsily attempting to point out is that we're exactly the same as the people in countries that are constantly killing each other. We just hide it better. We've learnt to take our instincts and dampen them down with suits, briefcases and paperwork. We're still violent, bloodthirsty, emotional animals, and no amount of fake civility will ever, EVER change that. So stop feeling so damn smug.

Homosexuality.

2009-09-21T10:31:00.000-07:00

Were there always so many gay people in the world?
I've only started to mull this over so this post will be even more uneloquent than usual.
(Is 'uneloquent' a word? Whatever, I can't really think properly today.)
Personally, I don't care if you're gay or not. I don't care if you're black, brown, white, poor or rich, if you're a decent person that's all that matters.

But really, I want to know. Was homosexuality always so prevalent, and has our apparently tolerant society just meant that more people are open about it? You can bet the statistics show there are more gays in western society than other 'less developed' nations.

Of course those religious zealots are wrong, but if you think about it, homosexuality is unnatural. Men and women are meant to fuck each other, make babies, and continue to populate the earth with our shitty species. That's just the way it is. So how did nature (or God, if you are so inclined to think of it that way) make it that loads of people are gay?

I'm tired, and my brain hurts.
Someone provide me with an answer!
Yeah, I know none of that made much sense, but if anyone has a logical explanation for me, or even just an opinion, I would love to hear it.

My funeral.

2009-08-18T17:20:00.000-07:00

How come when a person dies they are automatically a saint?
You can be the biggest douchebag ever, but when you expire no-one is allowed to say it was so.
Some, almost all, will explain this crappy phenomenon away as simply respecting the dead.
Because it's the right thing to do.
But we only respect death because we are utterly afraid of it.
We are terrified of the unknown.
We are programmed to fear death because we are programmed to survive.
(For whatever reason that is.)
Therefore, I urge you to think of it as an adventure.
Maybe our instincts are correct and the 'afterlife' will be gut-wrenchingly horrifying, or maybe it will be blissful peace.
Maybe it will be complete nothingness (try not to imagine nothingness before you sleep, because you will be awake with frustration and confusion for hours).
Anyway, all I know for certain is that when it's me lying in that coffin, tell the truth.
You loved me, but I was a bit of an asshole.
I dare you.

Shoes.

2009-08-18T10:44:00.000-07:00

I really can't comprehend why white people don't remove their shoes before entering a home.
The Asians have it so, so right.
Typing this is making me dry-heave ever so slightly because I keep imagining all the hideous things that people are tramping into their carpets.
Being the mongrel child of a Caucasian and Eurasian, I always thought taking off your shoes was the norm. The first time going to a friends house was strange. I didn't really understand why they would wear their shoes indoors. Or, even worse, some would be barefoot and stepping in all the SHOE DIRT.

I keep wondering if I have a mild case of OCD. It is of course very fashionable right now to have a mental illness, but I can't think of any other explanation as to why I started crying with fear when my little brother came running into the room with his trainers on.
Walking to the front door to collect the post is somewhat of a challenge, as it involves crossing the part of the floor where shoes have been with my bare feet. This results in me having to run reaslly, really fast on tiptoe across the danger zone. It also means that the post has also landed in this area, so I often have to wash my hands after picking it up rather gingerly, otherwise I feel gross all day. Most days I just ignore the postman and pretend I didn't hear the letters landing on the floor.

To some Asians it is the most horrible insult to show the soles of your shoes (and feet) to them. Remember this joyous incident?

On top of all that hilarity, the news reporter used the phrase "save your bacon". Astounding.
But I digress (even though it was hilarious).
I will beat you up if you show me the soles of your shoes and then possibly vomit on you also.
I cringe when I see someone on TV lie on their bed or curl up on the couch with their shoes.
It's disgusting.

On the surface, slippers seem to be a good medium between shoes and bare feet. However, this brings up a few complications. Where is the line drawn between where the shoe-wearing stops and the slipper-wearing begins? Because if you put your slippers into the shoe area, your slippers are now essentially shoes. My step-father recently gave up wearing slippers as I kept screeching at him when he wore them to the garage and then inside again. He pointed out that it was just our garden and therefore not the dirty, but I said that it was dirty because our shoes that we wear in the garden are the same shoes that we wear everywhere else, and so there was shoe-dirt in the garden too.

The next time you wear your shoes in the house, think firstly, am I prepared to potentially bring in all that dog crap, discarded food and anything else that is gross and on the pavement into my home?
And secondly, remember that cleaning is a lot easier without all that outside-dirt.

These are things I like.

2009-08-07T16:13:00.000-07:00

So I just realised that this whole blog is kind of pessimistic.
It's okay, though, because that's just what I am (I do prefer the term 'realist', though).
Nevertheless, here is a list of things I enjoy to a degree.

1. Cooking.
2. Photos. Mainly looking at photos, because if I attempt to take them I feel consumed by my own failure.
3. Sausage dogs.
4. Nigella Lawson & Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall.
5. Vampires. (I used to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer religiously when I was a child.) Now Twilight has ruined this obsession for me. I still secretly like the idea of them anyway, but don't tell anyone.
6. The colour black. Not in a goth way, I just like the colour (or absence of colour, whatever).
7. Really icy, frosty, sparkly, foggy days. They are the most gorgeous thing about this planet.
8. All of my old books from when I was small. They were all vaguely creepy, with strange illustrations of squat troll princesses and gnarled old giants that hated children. Thanks go to Alex, for making me remember.
9. Cake stands and teacups.
10. Shopping for new kitchen stuff. I don't buy shoes or bags, but I do buy spatulas.
11. Being mixed-race. It makes you more tolerant of other cultures.
12. Being middle class. Yeah, I said it. I know I'm not meant to. A section of both the upper and lower classes live on other people's money (their parents' and the government's respectively) but the middle class always have to work.
13. Watching a really good film.
14. Singapore.
15. Finland. Maybe I'm biased because I fell in love for the first time. It was two years ago. I was fifteen, he was a husky-riding instructor and I only knew him for four hours. Ah, to be young again.
16. Dim sum, chicken macaroni soup, bread, cheesy pasta, red cabbage, green beans, profiteroles.
17. A glass full of ice, diet Irn Bru, and lime.
18. Reading a fantastic book in bed.
19. Writing, to an extent. I don't think I would ever want to write a novel, but I certainly enjoyed writing short pieces when I was at school.
20. Going out to a really great restaurant, but equally, staying in and cooking.
21. The fact that I'll be starting education again soon. This time around, though, I will be studying something I actively enjoy.

I'm tired and I can't think of anything else right now.
Maybe I'll continue this list another day.

Nationalism is a load of shite pt. 2

2009-08-01T10:03:00.000-07:00

You claim to love your fellow countrymen.
But you rob old women, beat the shit out of strangers in a pub, spit on the bus driver.
You claim to love your country.
How can you love your country when you have no respect for it? You throw your empty takeaway containers onto the street and piss on the walls.
You're the type of person to go on holiday and think that talking loudly will make the dumb natives understand your order for chips.
You're the type of person who will shout abuse at an Asian and then eat a curry.
You're the type of person that screams about dirty immigrants taking all the jobs, even though you refuse to do them yourself.
And I hate you.

Recession? What recession?

2009-07-26T03:43:00.000-07:00

"Better bread and water than cake and danger." - Russian proverb

Why do people insist on living beyond their means?
America doesn't really do benefits, but we do. In a big, big way.
There's the working class, and then there's the can't-really-be-arsed class.
The latter prevails in this country.
They're the ones maxing out five credit cards on shit like gargantuan wide-screen TVs, the newest, most expensive trainers (even though they do no sport) and, perplexingly, new couches.
For some reason, the British have an inexplicable love affair with sofas:

A certain type of shitty person will buy a new one every year. They usually can't afford it.
We've had the same sofas for 10 years. They have been reupholstered once.

Once, people lived on what they could afford. Don't have enough money for that chicken? No problem, just have meat once a week (if you're lucky).
Then everyone started to get greedy. They wanted meat for breakfast, lunch, dinner. It's why we now have the repulsive system that is intensive farming. It's why we got swine flu.
Nature flipped us off.
We're in recession because people always want what they can't have. But it's okay, because credit cards and crappy banks mean you can.

My mother and step-father pay forty percent tax so these people can keep buying their pointless shit. It would be okay if benefits were exclusively going to people that really need it, but it's not the case.
My parents work unbelievably hard, but they along with the rest of the middle class get penalised for being just that all the fucking time.
I probably sound like an arrogant twat. For the record, I have respect for anyone that works hard for the things they have, regardless of what class they are.
It's the people that sponge off other people that really piss me off.

Jekyll and Hyde.

2009-07-16T11:08:00.000-07:00

Who am I really?

The shy, charming and polite person I am to the outside world;

The conscientious clown I am to my friends;

The brooding, tyrannical critic I am to my family?

Quote of the day.

2009-07-12T11:32:00.000-07:00

“Real misanthropes are not found in solitude, but in the world; since it is experience of life, and not philosophy, which produces real hatred of mankind"

- Giacomo Leopardi

Michael Jackson: R.I.P?

2009-06-26T02:04:00.001-07:00

Everyone is forgetting the fact that he was, in all likelihood, a paedophile.
If he was just a normal guy, that weirdo that lived on the corner of your street, he would have been chucked in jail years ago.
Either we don't feel sorry for him, or we feel sorry for all paedophiles.

Nationalism is a load of shite.

2009-06-18T14:45:00.000-07:00

The U.S. of A:
immigrants that think they're native Americans
and native Americans that are treated as immigrants.

Adoption, Abduction?

2009-06-09T06:19:00.000-07:00

When celebrities adopt children from all over the world, do they ever stop to think about the ones in their own country that need a home?
Oh, that's right, white children with defects aren't as fashionable as lovely exotic babies.
How silly of me.

Etiquette Query no.2

2009-05-31T04:19:00.000-07:00

You need to cross the road.
The green figure signals you to cross, but you're not quite there yet..
do you sprint furiously
and risk looking foolish if it turns red just as you get there?
Or do you saunter as slowly as possible
and try to act nonchalant when you have to wait
for that little green man all over again?

I don't want to be a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world.

2009-05-31T04:14:00.000-07:00

Plastic surgery is the acceptable face
of mutilation and degradation.

Death pt.1

2009-05-29T15:23:00.000-07:00

In our increasingly uncaring, violent and over-populated world,

how long is it to be before we follow
Switzerland's admirable lead?

Etiquette Query no.1

2009-05-28T06:49:00.000-07:00

Upon passing a man lying on the ground,
surrounded by paramedics and presumably nearing death,
does one look on in concern
or politely ignore the whole scene and pretend not to have noticed?